some kind of curse
by mew-tsubaki
Summary: Drabble. It's just a small respite between horrid events and two fighters wonder what's worth fighting for anymore. Set a little before the Alma arc. For BlueMango.


**some kind of curse**

A D. Gray-Man drabble

by mew-tsubaki

Note: Obviously these characters belong to Hoshino Katsura-sensei, though I love them dearly. For **BlueMango**, who's in love with Lavi. B) I thought I'd write this idea for you! ;]

- ^-^3

"Oi! Lenalee!"

Lavi walks out into a freshly-built courtyard at the Black Order's new home base, which had been hastily set up after having to leave their original headquarters. It's not much, but there's a nice little stone wall enclosing an untainted spot of green, and someone even thought it'd be nice to place a small pond there, too. The Exorcists seem to like coming here the most because the calm water creates calm minds…and Lenalee's there for just that reason.

She picks her head up and looks over her shoulder as the redhead joins her on the grass. Her smile is there but it's halfhearted and Lavi misses the times when she smiled for real. Though he has to wonder if he ever did see the real thing, considering when he appeared on the scene as a bookman. "Hey, Komui was looking for you."

"All the more reason to hide, right?" she quips with a small chuckle. She does love and praise her brother, but even she knows he's over-the-top.

Lavi bites his lower lip and Lenalee goes back to watching the water. "You're doing great with your Innocence, by the way."

Lenalee nods. "Who thought I would've made such a comeback?"

"Are you going to answer me only in questions today?"

"That depends—are we going to be here all day?"

Lavi finally frowns and ruffles her hair, which is slowly but surely starting to grow back. He's always thought she was beautiful and though he's always had a thing for older women…he wouldn't mind making an exception for her. After all, she's matured quite a bit. "We can hide out here if you want."

She pulls a face. "I'm not hiding out."

"Or asking any more questions," he politely teases.

Lenalee sticks her tongue out at him, but she quickly sobers up. Her pretty eyes drift back to the water, and she probably doesn't even notice the huge sigh that escapes her.

The bookman watches her carefully before tucking her head into the crook of his neck. "Lena…"

"It's nice coming here, not thinking about much," Lenalee states. She hides her hand in the folds of his scarf and turns her face towards his chest, her voice slightly muffled by the scarf's fabric. "I mean, we Exorcists have to think all the time—new fighting strategies, new ways to work with our Innocence…new ways to protect our loved ones."

A black feeling settles in Lavi's gut. He knows exactly what she means. "Things only seem to get tougher, don't they?"

Lenalee nods into his neck.

It takes a lot of willpower for Lavi not to whisk her away right then and there, away from harm. If he did, they'd be letting the world fall into chaos. And he also knows she wouldn't be happy. Lenalee has a need to protect their world and if she couldn't protect it—Lavi has no idea what would happen then.

"What do you feel about all the fighting?" she asks quietly.

He freezes. He's done enough damage getting this close to her, to the others, when he's _supposed_ to be a bookman, one who _shouldn't_ be getting involved. But this war… Even the old Panda has been doing a little more for the Black Order's side lately. "I…hate it," he slowly admits.

Lenalee looks up at him, but Lavi just stares at the pond. "You do?"

"I do," he reaffirms, his green eyes never leaving the green-blue liquid. "It's—it's _useless_, this stupid war. It'll be a miracle if anyone other than the Noah make it out alive. Human, Exorcist, bookman—we've been forced to join sides like never before because if we screw up, the cost is too big. But…" He pauses, wondering if he's going too far when he says this. "But it feels…_futile_, really."

A silent minute passes and then: "Spoken like a true Exorcist."

Lavi nods with her statement. "I think I stopped being a bookman at almost the exact moment I met you."

Lenalee pushes herself off him and looks into his face. She gives him a watery smile. "Aren't you glad you don't have to be so impartial anymore?"

"Yeah," he says with his grin, and he reaches up and brushes a tear away before she's really crying. But she isn't going to really cry, because instead she tackles him to the ground and they just lay there, getting away from reality and what used to be an Exorcist heart and a bookman heart almost synchronized in beat. Now, it's just two hearts beating together, not caring how history's going to be affected.

And Lavi thinks, _I'd like to be "Lavi" for a long while longer…_

…

Well, Lenalee thinks, _I'd like him to be "Lavi" for a long while longer…_

But everyone knows that wishes don't come true. If they did, then the world wouldn't need the Exorcists…

…and _then_ where would we be?

- ^-^3

**Sad, but sweet. I've come to like Lavalee a lot more then Allalee lately and I have no idea why... Perhaps it's the fault of vols. 18-20...? I think Lena looks **_**good**_** with either, but works **_**better**_** with Lavi... Besides, we all want what we can't have, right?**

**Thanks for reading and drop a review! I hope to do even more DGM fics—and soon! :)**

**-mew-tsubaki ;]**


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